Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Rape is not the worst thing that can happen to you.





So, you’re probably asking yourself, “Why such an inflammatory title?” Well. First off. Because it’s true. And second. Because what I’m going to talk about is going to offend so many of you that we might as well get it out of the way. It is not my intention to offend but I have no doubts that THAT is what will happen. My wife’s already pissed at me and she hasn’t even read this yet. I just told her what I was going to say. And now I’M the asshole.


Anyway. A few days ago a friend of mine posted a link on Facebook from Quora titled “What would surprise men about life as a woman.”

https://www.quora.com/What-would-surprise-men-about-life-as-a-woman

I was not surprised by much of it. I have two older sisters and I come from a fairly open family. So I’d heard most of it. What I was NOT prepared for was the fear. The shear volume of it. The link he shared jumped to an answer posted by “Jae Alexis Lee” where she was sharing the story of how this man leaned against her car door. Preventing her from driving away while he attempted to seduce her in a kind of pathetic “Fonzie” sort of way.


The comments section of her post apparently had responses from several men stating what she SHOULD have done. Stating things she paraphrased as “...otherwise do something that would magically solve the problem of an aggressive asshole in their space. In short, they’d react like men.

They have no idea how quickly all of their “brilliant” ideas would flash through their head because they don’t understand all the reasons women discard those ideas as quickly as they occur. Do I walk away? What if he follows me? Where do I go? Ask him to leave me alone? Pfft, like he cares. I’ve said the things:

Of course, there are other things you can say but then you have to ask: Will he respond violently?”

That surprised me. You see, Miss Lee was a man who transitioned to a woman. So she’s seen both sides of this thing. And yet she is still stuck because,”She can’t beat a man in a fight?”

As I read on I saw more and more posts that disturbed me.

Karuna Jha
“1-That constant fear - But,you know other part of ours is afraid of the probability of being targeted by any sexual predator.”
Auryn Moonchild
“I am afraid of men:...”

Tina Subbs,
“When you decide to walk in the park at night or early in the morning , there’s always this voice in the back of your head that tells you there’s a huge chance you will be attacked.
For that reason you never feel truly safe and at ease.”

Kate Danvers
“...or because unless you carry a gun or knife you know most of them are physically stronger than you and could easily beat you in a fight.”

Lauren Campbell
“why didn’t she just slap him, or tell him off?
The reason first of all is because women are oftentimes smaller than the people they would be attacking…”


Reality check: Size and strength have almost nothing to do with winning a fight.

...the idea of potentially pissing them off can be terrifying. Because while there is the chance that it *might* work and he’ll take the hint, there’s the other chance that it will just escalate the situation to violence and now you are going to be brutalized...

...->In fact, many women are expressly told not to escalate a situation when they can otherwise get away because you never really know how someone will respond.<-”

OK. The only good thing I got out of my philosophy class. I learned in the first week. The rest was just mentasl masterbatuon filled with made up terminology to make you feel intelectual. But that one valuable point philosophy had to offer was this. {In order to think clearly. Correctly. Or accurately. You MUST be able to take those things you hold MOST dear. Most TRUE. And say, “What if it’s all bullshit?”}

As you read those previous posts you see a common thread. I’m afraid. A woman can’t beat a man in a fight. I don’t want this to turn violent. Over and over again. From multiple people. Which is… well, it’s NOT funny but it is in a way. One of the posters put up an image of Ronda Rousey. The MMA fighter? Now, I will bet you dollars to donuts that if you showed her a picture of me and asked her if she thought she could kick my ass. That her answer would probably be a laughably emphatic, YES!

But you’re not Miss Rousey. Right... Sorry.

I read a comment from Lauren Campbell that said, “Some women have consented and performed sexual acts in order to get out of situations. Not because they wanted to, but because they were -afraid- the situation was going to escalate to force unless they went along with it.“
And then Jana Cook shared a story where she stated, “...Then he started touching himself. My immediate reaction was disgust, quickly followed by this thought: If you let him finish this, he’ll be relaxed, and he’ll let you leave.

I chose emotional scars over physical ones.”


Now, just in case Miss Cook, or any woman who has ever found herself in this situation, reads this post. I’d like to state that you will never hear me belittle you for this. You did what you had to do to get out of a bad place.

It is not my intention to chime in like an idiot from the peanut gallery with ideas about what you should have done. Most of those men commenting would have been to scared to do the things they’re advising anyway. The past is done/There is no undoing it and you did the best you could with the tools you had, There is no shame in that. Certainly no guilt on your part.

But there are things you could do in the future.

Unfortunately, it is my responsibility to tell you what you NEED to hear. Not what you WANT to hear. Since that will alter your world view. I doubt it will be received well but it IS what is good for you.

The man leaning against your car door? The man blocking the way? The man insisting you have sex with him? They are not your enemies. Fear is.

Let’s take another look at some of those comments from before.

Jae Alexis Lee - “...Do I walk away? What if he follows me? Where do I go? Ask him to leave me alone?”

Karuna Jha - “That constant fear.”

Auryn Moonchild - “I am afraid of men:”

Tina Subbs - “,,,you never feel truly safe and at ease.”

Kate Danvers - “...because you are too afraid…”

Lauren Campbell - “...the idea of potentially pissing them off can be terrifying.”


The reason you can’t figure out what will resolve the issue is because you’re afraid. Fear makes it hard to think. Fear destroys, “Fear” is an incredibly powerful weapon. {BUT} you have to allow it to be used against you.

I know. That last part probably pissed you off. And I am sorry about that. But it is true.

In the case of Jana Cook, If she did not consent to sex then he was going to beat her and make her do it. If I had been in her position? A woman raised in this world?


I - Would - have - done - the - EXACT - same thing.


But why? Your body was built to take some of the worst pain imaginable. Labor pain sucks! Bad! I’ve only seen it happen and I’m already grateful to God I’m a man.

When you watched the movie “Fight Club.” Did you get the main point or were you just being entertained? The writer was trying to tell you, the fear of pain is worse than the actual pain.

But that’s different. Right? And the rapist might kill you. Right… Sorry.

Our society likes to use words incorrectly and then claim they mean the same thing.

“I’m not being scared. I’m being practical.”
Uh huh.
“He’s a micromanager.”
You mean he’s an asshole.
“Man is the greatest predator on the planet.”
No. ‘Humans’ are the greatest predators on the planet.

Somewhere in the Serengeti right now there is a lion. A male lion. And he’s walking and surmising his territory. Very proud of himself, He knows he’s capable of killing 30 hyena’s in under ten seconds when they get to be too uppity. He is a confident and capable fellow, this lion.

Then he stops suddenly, “That’s a fucking Honey badger.” he thinks. “OK.” “OK.” “Fuck!” “Just back up. That’s it. Back it on up. Don’t make eye contact. Just ease on back.”

In this story. YOU are the Honey badger. YOU are the greatest predator on this planet. And the only reason YOU don’t believe me. Is because YOU have been…

Indoctrinated.


Lauren Campbell
“Most victims who fight back against a rapist will get away unharmed…”


HOLD UP! Did you actually see what she wrote? Humor me and read it one more time, please.

“Most victims who fight back against a rapist will get away UNHARMED…”

“But many women from the moment they are kids into adulthood are taught to be afraid. Taught how to avoid bad situations, to fear rape more than anything else.

They are practically handed a manual on learned helplessness where they are made to feel that prevention is their only hope and that once they get into a bad situation it’s just their fault for being there in the first place. We need to re-direct the discussion from one of fear and helplessness to one of bravery and empowerment.”

Ya been hoodwinked! Ya been had! Ya been bamboozled! All of us have.

Jae Alexis Lee has seen both sides of this issue and she STILL thinks it’s true.

Jonathan Entwistle” commented, “I have always said that I would not want to be a woman because I would feel vulnerable to men and the fact that they have the tools to hurt me both sexually and physically.”

What tools?

I mean. I’m not knocking Jonathan’s comment. I have no doubt that he believes it. It just shows how prevalent the mind washing is. When a Mountain lion faces off with a Grizzly bear. Neither one is happy about it. That’s how it is with apex predators. They know it’s going to be bad.

...Unless one of them is a pussy. [smiles] You think I’m talking about you. Don’t you?

I’m not.

Olga Radzikh said, “A male friend once said that the sight of women fighting makes him uncomfortable. He was referring to professional female fighters, like Ronda Rousey: Other men present seemed to agree that being in a relationship with a woman who is physically strong and trained to fight would put them at risk. They would not want to do it. It was only the female fighters who they disliked, not the male ones.”

It’s a wonder female cops ever get laid.

But that tells you a lot about how most men feel. Remember when I said how we like to misuse words? Well, when her friend said “uncomfortable.” He meant “scared.” Women fighters SCARE him. What the fuck does uncomfortable mean? Tight boxer shorts are uncomfortable. Women are beautiful, Strong. Intelligent. Capable. Graceful. Intimidating. And for the record, Ronda. If I wasn’t already married to the greatest woman on the planet. I would be all about wooing you with odes like,

Your fists are like concrete
Your knees are like death
And your kisses get me higher than Jack Daniels an Meth

My point is, [men] are scared too. All of us are. Yes. Some more than others but no one has the market cornered on fear.

I saw this from Pam Pritchard. “Men have no idea how a woman must always be aware of her surroundings and the potential men in it.”

All people should be aware of their surroundings. Airborne Rangers can’t take a piss in the woods without another Ranger watching his back. This is just a good policy for anybody.

But back to Olga’s friend being afraid of women that can fight. Men are afraid of everything. Not just women that can fight. If we find ourselves in a dark parking garage at night? We’re scared. If some man confronts us at a bar? We’re scared. And if we want to hide just how terrified we are of the world? Then we bluster and yell and push people. In the hopes they’ll believe we’re tough and won’t get the chance to see just how frightened we are. Those of us that do that are known as bullies.

In the movies and T.V. shows they always make it look like the bullies are tough guys. Even our anti-bullying training in this country is geared towards the person being a tough individual. That’s because the people writing the story’s and the people writing the training were probably bullied themselves at some point. If you could talk to a bully who got over his issues. He’d tell you that when he was hurting people he was just scared and lashing out.

ALL - bullies are terrified of you finding out how scared they are. This includes the guy leaning against your car door. Not letting you drive home to your wife.

Part of the issue is that our society is geared to believe this behavior. The bully is emulating someone who bullied him. But he thinks he’s faking it and hoping you buy his bluff. He doesn’t realize that the guy that bullied him was bluffing too. In his mind he’s copying the behavior of a tough hombre who terrorized him. Never realizing that tough guys don’t do that. They don’t have to.

That small percentage of men that you’re afraid will attack you? Is the group of us so afraid of the world that we have to pick on someone weaker than us to feel good about ourselves. They’re not predators.

They’re scavengers.

And like all scavengers. If you give them a glimpse of what a real predator is. They’ll tuck tail and run. Just like the cowards they are.

When my son, Jesus, was about a year old. My wife and I took him in the stroller on a walk along the nature trail around our apartments. When we were heading home a group of six young men sort of fell into a circle around us and walked with us back to the complex. I was holding my son at the time while my wife pushed the stroller. He’d gotten tired of sitting in it. I kept holding my son as we walked home. And kept watching these idiots out the corners of my eyes. I knew they were up to something because they had been talking before they formed up around us. Now, they were giving each other looks to see who had the balls to do something.

They had a problem. I wasn’t reacting like prey is supposed to react. I was supposed to be nervous. Smiling at them. Trying to make conversation. Basically doing anything that said, “please don’t hurt me.”

Instead what they saw was a pissed off redneck who’s expression said, “Boys, if you make me set this baby down. It’s gonna be your ass.”

And my wife was not easing their concerns any. Instead of looking nervous. Which I found out later, she was. She instead stoically pushed the stroller. Confident that I would handle whatever these dipshits tried to do. A bit sexist of her if you ask me.

Eventually, the gutless turds, quietly moved on while we continued on toward our apartment.

I wasn’t nervous during any of it. No, Not because I’m an old paratrooper. They don’t teach you how to fight six men at a time in the airborne. No. Not because I’m a manly man!:)

I wasn’t scared because I knew I had their asses beat. I don’t mean false confidence or psyching myself up. I mean I knew it. It was a fact. It was solid. You could bank on it. The moment those six chicken shits started making scared eyes at each other? Yeah. I knew they were gonna die if they did anything.

All men are scared. Some of us work to overcome it. But there are a special few who are bullies.

Bridget Swain - “That most all women have figured out for damn sure that all the unwanted sexual comments and behaviors are not about sex at all and never have been. Most adult women realize that the catcalls, unwanted advances, nasty texts and etc are just about power.

Insecure, immature, cowardly, men want to establish power over something, anything, human and other men will tear them a new one if they tried this bs on any male, so they attack the one group of humans they are reasonably sure can’t hurt them. Women.

Women get it. It’s hard to accept but we get it. We just don’t have an effective, across the board, way to fight it or stop it until men who don’t indulge in this kind of behavior, finally recognize it and put a stop to it themselves.”
I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. If you’re waiting on men to fix this issue it may be a while. We’re a little busy legislating what you can do with your body right now. And I know it doesn’t feel this way when you’re scared but, you don’t really need our help.


Compare what Miss Swain said with what Miss Radzikh said. When Olga’s friends admitted they would be “uncomfortable” in a relationship with a fighter? She wasn’t talking to a group of rapists. These were the men that Bridget was talking about. The ones that trash wouldn’t pull their BS on. My point is that you’re being terrified by pond scum. Garbage. They’re beneath you.

But they’re still larger and stronger than you. Yeah... That’s true.

I mean. You’re so frail that you could never wrap your middle finger over your index finger. Before jabbing him in the throat. That little pocket two inches below his adam’s apple? Where the collar bones meet? He’ll be gagging and choking for almost a minute.

Did you know that military dog tags are designed to break at four pounds of pressure? Because a man’s throat crushes at seven.

I mean you gals are so dignified you could never drive your thumb into his eye or bite the end of his nose off.

And yes. All of my grand ideas are impossible to think of in the moment someone is confronting you.

Unless you get rid of your fear.

Then it’s… natural. Just like it is for any other predator.

You’ve been sold a bill of goods. You’re a predator. Your a warrior. You are a God - damned - nightmare - rolling down hill on fire! And the only reason you’re taking shit off of these jackoffs. Is because that’s what you were indoctrinated to do.

The same as “You can’t sue the Government.”
Then why does the I.R.S. have a fleet of defense attorneys?

“A man that defends himself in court has a fool for a client.”
You know that was an add campaign started by a lawyer. Right?

“A woman can’t beat a man in a fight.”
You clearly never met my mother.

So. What’s worse than rape? Living your life in constant fear like a slave. Hoping today isn’t the day your master kills you.

Life is about peace and joy. With fear ruling your life any joy you have will be short lived. And you will have no peace.

By this point if you’re normal. If you’re sane. Then you should be thinking something along the lines of, “Hayden is a fucking asshole!” Or “This idiot doesn’t know what it’s like to be a woman!” Or “This selfrighteous cocksucker is gonna get someone killed!” Or some combination thereof.

And if you’re not thinking that? Then you’re probably a cop.

But if you are normal? It’s OK. It really is. I do understand. All that I ask is that you take a moment. Take all of those knee jerk reactions. All of those things you know that contradict what I’ve said. Then consider, for just a moment. What if it’s all bullshit?

Anyway. I hope this message finds you doing well.
I hope you find your peace.
And since it’s almost here. I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving.

God bless.

Hayden D. Linder

Sunday, November 11, 2018

What I learned from NCsoft

 
Several years ago I worked for a computer game publisher called NCSoft Corporation. I was there for five years before I lost my job. And by that I mean, {I} lost me my job by acting like an a-hole.  BUT... I came across a note I wrote myself back then. Just a few months before I was terminated. AND I thought you might enjoy reading it too.
 
 
Fri 5/21/2010, 11:31 AM

What NOT to do:

1) Do not "outsource" anything that you do not absolutely have to.

      A: Cusotmer Service
      B: Right Now Web
      C: Network Hosting
  Exception: Advertising.

2) Do not cut titles.

      A: AutoAssault
      B: Pirates of the Burning Sea
      C: Tabula Rasa
      D: Black Star
      E: Dungeon Runners
      F: Exteel

3) Do not understaff your company.

      A: Customer Service
      B: GM department
      C: QA
      D: Wiki

4) Do not re-invent the wheel evertime by trying to create Game Engines.

5) Do not let people go because of personality conflicts.

6) Do NOT make decissions out of fear.

7) Retain the authority to fire people until the leader has proven they can be trusted with it.

8) Do not have 'do nothing' possitions.

9) More authority does not mean more money. Pay based on skills. So a 20 year programming vet would get paid more than
their manager, as the manager is easier to replace.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What to do:

1) Use already existing software as much as possible.

      A: RNW = Sugar CRM
      B: Great Plains = MS Excell
      C: NCLauncher = StarDock & Steam

2) Go modular where you can.

      A: Network code
      B: Game engines
      C: Support tools
      D: Web Tools

3) Treat your people right so they stay.

      A: Above average pay
      B: Good benefits
      C: Share the profits every quarter
      D: Legitimate input into the company business

4) Games should be INclusive not EXclusive

      A: Female market
      B: Elderly market
      C: Disabled market
      D: Run on the lowest end technology as is possible or at least be very scale-able

5) Provide documentation for all aspects of the business.

      A: Training, training, training.

6) Advertising

      A: Commercials
      B: Magazines
      C: Billboards
      D: Buss wraps
      E: Movie trailers
      F: and anything else we can think of
      G: Rememeber: spend the cost of the product on the advertising. So a $20 Mil game will need $20 Mil of Advertising.

7) Forum Mods are not Devs so they should have a strong presence on the forums. Comment, comment, comment! They're not Dev's so any comment they make can be changed. Communicatiion is more important than worrying over stiring up issues.

8 ) HR

HR should equal the Gestoppo.

I have seen a lot of good people walked out of these doors because their boss decided they needed to go and HR just reubberstamped it and walked them.
While some really horrible employees took months or years to get rid of.

Any manager should shit themselves when they see the HR rep coming, UNLESS they know they need them for an issue between them and their boss.

The lower on the ladder you go the more you should want to see the HR rep.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
What every MMORPG should have from here on out:

1) From GW - Henchmen
2) From CoX - Char creation
3) From Aion - Robust crafting
4) Transportation
5) Housing
6) PVP
7) Missions - not grinding.
 
So. What do you think?
Hayden














Thursday, June 28, 2018

Reading list?



      I see a lot of comments and posts on the internet about reading lists. Or books you simply MUST read. And I’m always a little skeptical about them. I mean, the moment I read an article telling me how great, “Moby Dick” is. Yeah. I’ve read it. It sucks. I mean B-A-D. Like, “the only people that enjoy this piece of shite are American Lit professors” kind of bad. However, these lists got me to thinking about what I would recommend,

     There are a few obvious ones. If you haven’t read the works of Charles Dickens. Well, Jesus. Do you actually enjoy reading? “Wuthering Heights” by Emily Bronte and “Jane Eyre” by her sister, Charlotte, are must reads. If you’re interested in becoming an author and want the best character depth in a story EVER. Then I strongly suggest “The Brothers Karamazov” by Dostoevsky. If you’re NOT planning on becoming an author? Might wanna give it a pass. Damn thing is a ‘tome’ of a book.

     You have the new classics. Like, Stephen King’s “Gerald’s Game.” I love that freakin book. Then there’s the obvious “A Song of Ice and Fire” Series by George R. R. “Screw you finishing before -you- die, George. I hope you finish before ‘I’ die!” Martin.

     Then there are the nobody’s that I love to recommend. “Blood Toy” by B.K. Raine. A wonderful, vampire hunting/werewolf/demon/save the world from evil dark adventure. I wish she’d get the sequel out.

     Met a “Bill Nolan” and checked out his book, “Shanna” (Book One of the To’Ach’an Cycle.) I - could - NOT - put the - damned - thing - down. An addictive little futuristic space adventure. Loved it!

     Ann Livi Andrews has a series called “Hollow Towns” that is impossible to set down. If you haven’t read any of her work you really need to.

     For fun, over the top, adventure you have to check out the, “Agent Juliet” series by E.M. Smith. You see? I like books you can’t walk away from. I do NOT like "Moby Dick."

Cause it sucks.

Anyway, that’s what I would read. If I were you.





Have fun.
Hayden.